Sonntag, 27. Dezember 2015

Is there something?

How much time do you invest in yourself? Not for profit but for being.
How often do you read, how often do you just sit down and think? How often do you write? How much time do you spend actually improving a skill? And by that I don't mean in video games. I mean in real life. How much time do you spend in the real world?
I don't know what your answer might be but for me, until now, it hasn't been much. Actually the answer in numbers would frighten myself.
I love to go out, to enjoy the nature, the moment, real people. But at the time I am anxious of all that. I am consumed by thoughts of what I could do or achieve by doing this or that – but I seldomly do any of it. I spend more time planning and thinking about my skills instead of actually doing something with or about them. And it is so frustrating, that I keep lying to myself in order to avoid them.
Isn't it funny how easy it feels to just keep lying to protect ourself from just slowing, quieting and calming down? To just be there for a moment. And see deeply in what's really missing. What we really want or need to do? It's not, because the amount of missteps has grown as large as the depts of our countries and the only solution - which I'd rather call protection - seems to be running away. Running away towards entertainment, study, stimulation and excess, which makes the pile of shame grow more and build uncountable walls around us.
So don't act surprised if the wall gets too big and collides. Be aware that it's made of thin glass and is easy to smash. Don't wait for it to be smashed in the first place. Do it yourself and expose your weaknesses. Start accepting them and working on them. Work on yourself. Work for yourself. Be what you want to be in the real world, not in your mind. Just fucking do it. At least before it's too late – because I bet there are many things too late already. And the pile will overgrow you, if you don't start to work it down now!

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